Intimacy With Christ

This blog might not make sense to you...it's part of a staff conversation we had via email...

Pastor Brent mentioned having quiet time at the manger. Christmas is a great time of year for me to feel close to Christ - my struggle comes outside of December, just living life. I need to be still and listen to what He's saying day-to-day. I'm horrible at this. To be completely real, I find it nearly impossible to be still. I would much rather Him send me a burning bush than for me to have to sit still and get quiet and listen, when the noise of life is like standing on a street corner in Dallas at 8am (loud). My soul longs for peace and stillness with God, but my flesh scarcely allows me to have it. I drift away from Him and don't listen at all until I realize - I've had days without a connection to God and the emptiness I feel is because of this.

There are people in our lives that we know things about - and then there are people that we know intimately. I love these selective and intimate friendships, where you can predict what a person will say, how they will react to something, how they will feel about things - it is a wonderful feeling to be in a covenant relationship with someone and know great love and trust...and I realize that God knows me like this. He knows when I'm drifting away, and He knows how and when I'll come back to Him. He knows when I will celebrate Him, and when He will flow through me and touch the life of someone else. He pursues me and calls me back to Him unabated.

Thinking about how God always calls me back, I thought about Crazy Love. I raved to Steve about how great this book was, and he asked me what chapter I liked the best. I couldn't remember the chapter number or title (6 - When You're In Love) but I remembered that it was about running. If you were to look at my copy of the book it would be obvious by all the underlining that it's my favorite chapter. The crux of the whole thing is that you have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to fall away. As long as I'm running toward Him, I'm safe. If I discipline myself to run toward Him (seek intimacy with Him) then I will be so close to Him. Chan is right - as long as I am pursuing Him, I am satisfied. When I stop pursuing Him, I gravitate toward other means of fulfillment. God gave us life that we may seek to know Him. And I don't think He just wants us to know ABOUT Him. He wants us to KNOW Him. I don't love Gavin because he loved me first - I just love him, plain and simple, from the beginning. I realize it's the same with God. He loved me first and my reciprocating love comes out of that.

Father I confess to you how much time and energy I waste running from You. I run in fear and pain and I try to solve my own situations, when being with You is the only thing that will give me what I need. You are far better than any solution or fix to life that I could dream up on my own. You know me. You chose me. You created me, and You are Enough for me. Search me and know my heart. Point out anything in me that offends You. Draw me to you - that I can know all of You.