Giants in the Promiseland

I read Same Kind of Different as Me during the Christmas break. It's a great book, and I recommend it to anyone who likes to laugh, cry and finish a book in two days. It's about two men - with totally different backgrounds and lifestyles, and how God brings them together and uses them for His purpose. My goal here is not to write a review of the book, which I'll end up doing if I'm not careful. What I really want to talk about is one specific part that I've been thinking about for days now.

There is a part in the book where the spouse of one of the main characters is diagnosed with cancer. As they went to bed on the night of her diagnosis, she tells her husband the story about the giants in the Promiseland. In the book of Numbers, chapter 13, Moses sends 12 spies into Canaan, (which God was giving to the Israelites) to scout out the land. When the 12 spies return, they report both good news (the land is plentiful - it flows with milk and honey) and bad news (the people there are powerful - there are even giants there). Naturally, as the Israelites had a propensity to do, they freak out and question why God has brought them that far, only to be killed by giants.

Joshua and Caleb, two of the spies, respond with this:

“The land we traveled through and explored is a wonderful land! And if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. Do not rebel against the Lord, and don’t be afraid of the people of the land. They are only helpless prey to us! They have no protection, but the Lord is with us! Don’t be afraid of them!”

So - the spouse in the story, diagnosed with cancer, is telling this to her husband as a source of comfort - the Lord was with them, and they didn't need to be afraid.

It got me thinking then, and every day since then...I'm really going to stretch the metaphor now...If the Promiseland is the place that God has for me (let's just say here and now - my life)...what are the giants there? What were the giants in 2009? What can I do to defeat them?

I won't list what the giants were or are (that's what most of the thinking has been about), but I also had this concept in mind as I made my resolutions for 2010. Here you go:

1. Read through the Bible this year.

2. Continue with school - goal is 5 classes by the end of the year.

3. Be a better: Mom. Friend. Servant.

4. Attitude. Fruits of the Spirit.

5. Spend less, give more.

6. Trust God. He will give me what I need, that what He has for me is better than anything I could desire, the He is in control and knows what happens to me. I don't have to worry.

What are the giants in your Promiseland?

A Staff Conversation About Commitment

I like what everyone has said about this so far - lots of different ideas about what it means to be committed in both life and to God.

Commitment comes in lots of different forms. Most often, I think of commitment in the context of a relationship. "Love is a choice" and all that stuff. Everyone who knows me knows I'm either all in or all out. Black and white. No grey area. I do commitment well (or not well) depending on how you look at it. I take commitments to heart and I hold others to the same standard. But true commitment to God means a lot more than that.

When you're committed to God, I think it means you...

...do God's will rather than your own. Things always work out better that way.

...don't quit. There are times I want to quit certain things out of frustration - I'm too busy, it doesn't seem worth it, I just plain don't want to do whatever "it" is. But there is an intense amount of satisfaction coming through on the other side, knowing I didn't quit whatever it was - and I feel like it honors God when I follow through.

...make it a full-time gig. Am I committed when no one is looking? Do I stay committed with the things I put into my mind and heart - music, movies, people, places? What does my bank account show I'm committed to? Does the way I spend my spare time say I'm committed to God or the world?

Father, in the new year, help us to be committed to You. Give us strength to be not only hearers, but also doers of your Word. Thank you for loving us, even when we are not true to ourselves or to You.

I'm Moving!

So the plan right now is to move next week. For several months, I've looked for a house to live in, and nothing ever panned out. I'd find something I really liked, and something wouldn't be right - and I always asked for God to work it out perfectly - with no obstacles, so that I would clearly know that it was what He wanted me to do. I was disappointed a few times, because there were several houses that I really liked and could see Gavin and me in. I finally decided to stop looking. Now it seems like it's going to happen, and this time the house found me rather than the other way around. Ah, He's like that a lot - when I'm finally like, "Ok, fine, I'll give it a rest" He provides whatever it is. I'm learning to be patient while He works things out for me.

Moving. Yeah. Not fun. I counted it up, and the last four years I have moved a grand total of seven times. Yes, seven. It sucks. I hate moving. Who doesn't? And however sad or not, most of those moves were under some form of stress. I don't think I once moved with excitement or anticipation. So this move is a lot different. While I dread the idea of packing and unpacking, I get an adrenaline shot thinking about sitting in my house at night and reading or blogging...or even staring at the wall. It seems silly (a little) since most of the people who I know read this already have a house and a yard. I've had these things before, but it's been a long time. Who knows how long it will last - only God knows that - but in the mean time, I'm gonna soak it up.

A staff conversation about peace

For me, there is no peace like the peace of Christmas. Throughout the year, it's easy to find little moments with God - be it in prayer, worship, at a concert or talking with a friend - moments where we realize God is there and He can calm any storm. But it's at Christmas when I can feel His peace the most. I find it at the Christmas Eve service, surrounded by friends, all holding up a candle - I find in my living room sitting in only the light from the Christmas tree - I find it riding in the car, listening to Christmas worship music. This overwhelming feeling of peace is my favorite thing about Christmas. Peace in the belief that God is watching over me, provisioning for me, and that He really does know my name, every tear I've cried, every laugh I've shared and every thought and dream I've ever had in my heart. I believe we can look to the way He came, to know how He wants us to feel at Christmas. He could have come as a king would come, but instead came quietly with no fanfare - peaceful, quiet and still.

I heard a verse today as I was listening to some audio (Beth, wink) and it was Colossians 2:5 - "...I'm a long way off, true, and you may never lay eyes on me, but believe me, I'm on your side, right beside you." While it's Paul writing this to the people of Colossae, it's like that with Christ, too. He's on our side. He's right beside us. Calming us, giving us peace. Not only does he do that for us, He wants us to KNOW he does it, and believe that He's there.

Another thing about peace that keeps coming to mind is peacemaking. Matthew 5:9 - "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God." Peace is so much preferred in our lives over drama and conflict. I read a book several years back called Peacemaking for Families and it really left an impression on me. So much so that I have gone back to it multiple times to read what it says about the steps to a proper apology, and most helpful for me, how to really give forgiveness. I have seen people all my life destroy relationships because people don't want to or even know how to apologize. Then of course there is the other side of that, where people withhold their forgiveness. I decided a long time ago that I don't want to live a life of bondage in un-forgiveness and bitterness. So to that end, the Bible says when we strive to be peacemakers, we will be called His children!

Father, for my friends this Christmas, I ask for the gift of peace. A peace that passes all understanding. A peace so great and deep that we know it can only come from You. A peace that fills our hearts so full there there is no room left for loneliness, hurt, sadness or selfishness. A peace to see that Christmas is not about us at all. In the year ahead, help us to be peacemakers and peacekeepers. Let us have peace in our hearts, whatever path You take us down - peace to know that Your plans and Your purpose are enough for us.

The Bucket List

I was driving yesterday in the car...and this list just kind of came to me. I don't know why...I wasn't thinking about dying or anything...maybe it was a song I heard on the radio?

Anyway...here's the list (and you know I love making lists)!

1. Visit Yellowstone. And Yosemite. And drive across southwest Texas in a Jeep and go to Big Bend.
2. Go to Belize. With a man. And if he could be my husband, well that'd just be gravy.
3. Help someone. Be able to help someone change their life for good so completely, that it be changed forever.
4. Graduate from college.
5. Teach high school. Maybe just for a year, but I've always thought it was something I'd do.
6. Day hike the Appalachian Trail. I don't want to spend the night out there, but a day hike would be fun!
7. I'd like to visit every state...by car whenever possible. I love road trips!

I can't help thinking this list should be more commanding. It's a little lame, at best.

Intimacy With Christ

This blog might not make sense to you...it's part of a staff conversation we had via email...

Pastor Brent mentioned having quiet time at the manger. Christmas is a great time of year for me to feel close to Christ - my struggle comes outside of December, just living life. I need to be still and listen to what He's saying day-to-day. I'm horrible at this. To be completely real, I find it nearly impossible to be still. I would much rather Him send me a burning bush than for me to have to sit still and get quiet and listen, when the noise of life is like standing on a street corner in Dallas at 8am (loud). My soul longs for peace and stillness with God, but my flesh scarcely allows me to have it. I drift away from Him and don't listen at all until I realize - I've had days without a connection to God and the emptiness I feel is because of this.

There are people in our lives that we know things about - and then there are people that we know intimately. I love these selective and intimate friendships, where you can predict what a person will say, how they will react to something, how they will feel about things - it is a wonderful feeling to be in a covenant relationship with someone and know great love and trust...and I realize that God knows me like this. He knows when I'm drifting away, and He knows how and when I'll come back to Him. He knows when I will celebrate Him, and when He will flow through me and touch the life of someone else. He pursues me and calls me back to Him unabated.

Thinking about how God always calls me back, I thought about Crazy Love. I raved to Steve about how great this book was, and he asked me what chapter I liked the best. I couldn't remember the chapter number or title (6 - When You're In Love) but I remembered that it was about running. If you were to look at my copy of the book it would be obvious by all the underlining that it's my favorite chapter. The crux of the whole thing is that you have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to fall away. As long as I'm running toward Him, I'm safe. If I discipline myself to run toward Him (seek intimacy with Him) then I will be so close to Him. Chan is right - as long as I am pursuing Him, I am satisfied. When I stop pursuing Him, I gravitate toward other means of fulfillment. God gave us life that we may seek to know Him. And I don't think He just wants us to know ABOUT Him. He wants us to KNOW Him. I don't love Gavin because he loved me first - I just love him, plain and simple, from the beginning. I realize it's the same with God. He loved me first and my reciprocating love comes out of that.

Father I confess to you how much time and energy I waste running from You. I run in fear and pain and I try to solve my own situations, when being with You is the only thing that will give me what I need. You are far better than any solution or fix to life that I could dream up on my own. You know me. You chose me. You created me, and You are Enough for me. Search me and know my heart. Point out anything in me that offends You. Draw me to you - that I can know all of You.

It's Thanksgiving!!

Today is Thanksgiving Day. I love the holidays. Gavin has been so excited this year, asking when we're doing what, where are we going, what are we taking...and on and on. Then repeat. The older he gets, the more fun it is. I try to stop and see it through his eyes and remember what it felt like, instead of worrying about what I'm forgetting and what needs to be done. I almost feel like I'm succeeding today! It's an accomplishment for me, because normally I overwhelm myself with things "to-do."

This year, we decided to spend the night on Thanksgiving Eve at my cousin's house, and we had a great time. We didn't do anything special, just talked, watched tv, cooked, ate. The typical holiday stuff. It feels good to not be rushing and worrying - there is no agenda and nothing that needs to be done until at least Sunday. Awesome.

So I'm thinking about being thankful. I'm thankful for a lot of things, and I was reticent to list any of it on Facebook like so many do (and if you do this, I'm not judging you - seriously) - I have my reasons. Anyway, I thought I'd compile a short list of the things I'm thankful for:

1. The little dog chewing on my sock right now. It really makes me happy when I see how happy he makes Gavin.
2. School. My first semester back is almost over - only two more weeks. I'm glad it's drawing to an end, but I feel so blessed to be going to school, and I'm really enjoying it.
3. My family. They do a lot for me and I love them. I don't know many people who are randomly close to a first cousin like I am, especially when we have such a large family out there - but this works for us, and I am blessed by it every single day. (Love you).
4. My church family. I am blessed with a wonderful church/job. Fabulous people who live loving Jesus every day. People who think of me and my son, love us and care for us. People so easy to love in return.
5. My friends. There are a few from my church/work family that I'll know forever - no matter where we go. You're special to me! And a few friends I have that have been my friends for years.
6. My son. The love of my life.

Right now, I'm sitting in the kitchen, waiting on the W's to get back from the Turkey Trot. There's a turkey cooking. The dressing is ready to go in the oven. Potatoes still need to be peeled. Eggs boiling in a pot on the stove. It's Thanksgiving, and I feel thankful.