The One About Mike Rowe//Passion

I have become slightly fascinated with Mike Rowe since we used part of his Q talk in worship.  I don't follow him on social media or google him, or anything fanatical...but several times I've stumbled across some pieces by/about him.  One was a nicely written Facebook post he wrote about the ALS ice bucket challenge.  (I should provide the link here, but I'm sure you can find it).  Then today, I came across this:

http://yellowhammernews.com/faithandculture/alabamian-gets-schooled-mike-rowe-dirty-jobs/

I'm glad someone out there is thinking, and then turning those thoughts into articulate and meaningful words on a page.  Live a life filled with passion - but following your passion doesn't always get you where you think it will.  It's important to be smart, too.

The One About Discouragement

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Romans 12:2

Have you read the Screwtape Letters (C. S. Lewis)?  Screwtape (a demon) tries every way he can think of to encourage Wormwood (a demon in training) to bring down a new Christian.  “Oh, that didn’t work?  Try this…that didn’t work either?  Try this instead…”  And so they made efforts to flummox the young Christian in every possible way - from sexual temptation to pride, and so on.  

I have felt these attacks myself the last few weeks in the area of discouragement.  For me and a few of my friends, it seems like Satan has come against us in every possible way.  When one attack didn’t work, he launched another.  When that didn’t work, he tried something else.  As Sunday drew to a close, I found myself pretty down.  I reflected back on the morning of worship that was, and all I could see was the negative.  What didn’t go well.  Who didn’t come.  The negative things people said.  And as I sat at home on Sunday evening, I realized this had been my pattern for several weeks.  I decided then that instead of focusing on what didn’t go well, I would only look at the positive.  On Tuesday mornings, our creative team has a meeting we call the “good, bad and ugly.”  This week I determined that at least for a while, we are only going to do the “good.”  We will no longer even discuss the bad and ugly (we’re perfectionists, and there is always bad and ugly) unless there is something that needs immediate attention.  That little idea has helped us already.  

After my resolve on Sunday, and our fresh start with our creative meeting yesterday, I sat down to look over some sermon notes.  The first thing I read was this: “If you want to change something in your life that you don’t like, you don’t start with your actions.  You don’t even start with your feelings.  You start with your thoughts.”  That’s just a paraphrase of Romans 12:2, but still!  It spoke right to me, and I knew it was a word direct from the Lord.  I am so thankful that God consistently shows up in ways that are clear and on time.      

The One on My 35th Birthday!!

Go me, it's my birthday! Go me, it's my birthday!!  (Puts crown away)...

Ok, here is a video of the mission trip we just took to Europe.  The pics go by a little quick, and I kept having to cut some out.  Now I know what a movie director feels like.  I didn't want to cut ANY of them.  

Sidenote: this video is as much about the lyrics of the song as it is the pics.  

PS. I'm a Texas girl, but you'll still get the idea.

The One About What I'm Into Right Now

1. Diplomas.  White w/red & blue lettering.  Kay Lynn Stacks.  Bachelor of Humanities.  Boom.  Bam.  What's up?
2. Bluegrass music.
3. Shoes.  More specifically, orange ones from Banana Republic.
4. Cruises.  As a graduation gift to self.  With Tiffany.
5. Art History.  Best class I've ever taken and I waited until my last semester in college!
6. Gavin.  Because he's mine and smart and handsome.
7. Our Team.  Because it's clicking.
8. Some other stuff.

The One About the Song I Heard on My Birthday

First blog of 2012!

I turned 34 a few weeks ago. There are several blogs in my head about that - but today I just want to say I love being 34! I heard this song on my birthday, and I've listened to it a lot since. I love being 34.


Brandon Heath - I'm Not Who I Was

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

The One About December

Tomorrow is the last final of the semester.  I have just over a month of free time.  That is to say, no school. My last semester begins on January 18.  I'm super pumped on several levels.  One, I love - absolutely LOVE the three classes I am taking in the spring.  I'm excited about school for the first time in a long time. Two, it is (most definitely should be!) my last semester as an undergrad.  It seems a stretch to say that hanging a piece of paper on the wall will actually make me a different person, but I feel like it really will.  I haven't figured out exactly how I'll be different, but I think it requires a whole new wardrobe.

Anyway, here's a glimpse of my reading list for the month off:

1. Finish Engage by Nellie Searcy.  (I've started calling him Nellie now.  Apparently, I'll even nickname total strangers.)
2. Simply Strategic Volunteers.  I have a lot of volunteers.  It seems I should read a book about that.
3. The Accidental Creative.
4. Thoughts on the Creative Process.
5. Something fictional and really good.

The One About Why I Don't Blog

Here are some reasons I haven't been blogging:

1. I've been tired. 
2. I have a tv in my bedroom now.
3. I haven't been doing my school work.  Therefore, it would be wrong to blog.
4. I've been putting my creative energy into other things.  
5. I'm lazy sometimes.
6. I haven't been cleaning my house.  Therefore, it wouldn't be right to blog.
7. I've had too many ideas and can't decide which ones to develop.
8. I've spent a lot of spare time practicing guitar.  (Not sure why 3 & 6 don't apply to that one.)

Anyway...

The One About Friends. Or Drama. Or Friends and Drama.

This is an intro to a post I started back in July...

I said something stupid the other day.

Surprised?

Me either.

Talking about girls and their drama, I commented to another counselor at camp, "See?  That's why I don't have any friends, right there.  I hate that stuff."  Girl drama.  And the other counselor laughed, but then made that "Awww" sound that we make when someone says something that makes us feel sorry for them.  I was really just being silly when I said it, and was emphasizing the fact that I hate it when girls do drama, but in the two weeks since, I've thought about it no less than ten times.  Why would I say something like that?

I came home and the fuel pump promptly went out on my car.  Two friends came to the rescue to get it to my house.  Another set of friends loaned me their car for an entire week.  


And here is what I want to say about it now...


I've learned a lot the last few months about friends.  It takes a village to raise a child.  It takes a village to do almost anything.  Lately I've been saying, "it takes a village to run a ministry."  I've need a lot of help recently.  And the Lord has just shown me every day what it's like to have friends.  Good friends.  The kind you consider family.  I'm not ready to unpack the last few weeks...but I've learned the value in telling my friends I love them.

"See you in the morning.  I love you.  We're gonna get through this."
"Love you.  Mean it."
"Love you guys."

It's a weird thing to tell another grown up that you're not in a relationship with or that's isn't family that you love them.  I didn't grow up that way.  I don't remember ever seeing it or hearing it done.  But God has put people in my life that love me, and he has knit our hearts together in such a way that I'm amazed.  I'm grateful for these good people.

Anyway, I think the original point of the post back in July was that almost as soon as I said I didn't have any friends, God started showing me I do.  I love the way I can be His child and He shows me truth in my life.

The One About Disney World

Best. Vacation. Ever.

The One About June

It's June.  13th to be exact.  I thought that I would be a blogging machine once I got out of school for the summer, but it's been the opposite.  Turns out, I do most of my writing while I'm in class (teehee!).  Anyway, it's been almost a month since I've posted anything.

I wish I had something meaningful to say....but this is mostly just an update.

VBS last week was amazing.  Amazing.  Record numbers of kids and salvations.  Just incredible.  My knee is still crying out in protest, but it was worth it.

We concluded with the usually family night at Splash Kingdom, and for the first time, I didn't have to ride or float or slide anything with Gavin.  I thought I was excited about it, but when we left the park, I felt like I had missed something.

Today I spent a lot of time getting ready for the vacation that G doesn't know is coming.  Dog groomed, bank, bills paid, general housekeeping items.  I'm so excited.

Booked his birthday party at GWL for the end of July.  It's gonna be great, and he's gonna be spoiled rotten.  Wait.  He's already spoiled rotten.  Anyway...

That's it.  Maybe more later.

The One About Breakfast

As Christians like to say, God has "perfect" timing.  I usually think about God's timing as it relates to things I want in my life, and trying to be patient while I wait on Him to deliver.  That's flawed, but I'm keeping it real.  Growing feels gross lately.

Today I was really struck by another example of God's timing.  I am on a reading plan to finish the Bible in a year.  Often, I will read a passage, and get to work and find its a passage the Pastor is using in the week's sermon.  Or I will hear a sermon and it will echo a new song I just heard.  Or my daily reading will be directly connected to our band devotion on the same day (this has happened several times).

Or, as was the case this morning, my Bible reading plan had me in the book of John reading about Jesus washing the feet of his disciples.

(A quick aside.  I love this story, and I never hear it without remembering a time when all my friends helped me move into a garage apartment.  Never in my life had I experienced such an outpouring of love and service.  My friends, they painted.  They cleaned.  They moved.  They bought me stuff.  They unpacked.  And I felt completely undeserving.  It was all I could do to keep my sunglasses on and try not to talk.  And then I have this moment in the yard with my pastor.  He asks if I'm ok, and I say something about how I really don't deserve all they were doing for me...and he starts with, "so there's this story in the Bible..."  And he talks about Jesus washing the feet of his disciples.  And how as Christians, sometimes we wash each others feet.  Sometimes we do the washing.  Sometimes we have to let others wash us.  That was four years ago.  I felt like I hardly knew those people then, but now they are my greatest friends.  My family, even.  I learned what it looks like to love others in Jesus' name, and I have definitely had my feet washed many times since.)

Back to this morning.  I finished my daily reading and picked up another book I'm working through, Scribbling in the Sand by Michael Card.  I begin, and yep.  You guessed it.  Servanthood, and Jesus washing the disciples feet.  Mental checkmark.  I'm listening.  You want me to hear something about servanthood.  Got it.

There was a beautiful dramatization of Jesus with the basin and the towel.  I read through it, then went back and read it again out loud (I was being artsy and dramatic, but it helped me connect with the story).

As I continued reading in the book, Card goes on discussing the many ways Jesus served his disciples, and concludes with John 21, and a section titled "The Lord of All Serves Breakfast."

Post resurrection, Peter, Thomas and others are out fishing...they caught nothing...ummhmm, reading...throw your nets over...ummhmm...reading, reading...lots of fish this time..."Now come and have some breakfast!"  

Wait.  What?  I always thought of this story as Jesus appearing to the disciples, performing another miracle with the fish...and that whole, "feed my sheep" thing with Peter there at the end.  I had to pull the Bible back out and read through the passage.  I have completely missed Peter literally clamoring out of the boat and splashing to the shore when he realizes Jesus is there.  And that when he gets there, Jesus has prepared them breakfast.  John 21:9 When they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them - fish cooking over a charcoal fire, and some bread.  Verse 13 - Then Jesus served them the bread and the fish.  


The disciples are tired and hungry.  Discouraged.  Brokenhearted.  And Jesus is there, making them breakfast.  You know that feeling you get when something good is coming true?  Relief and wonder and bliss and joy?  I understand Peter stumbling, crashing through the water to get to Jesus.  He must have been overwhelmed with those emotions.

"Though Jesus is the risen Lord of Glory, though he stands there with scars in his hands and feet and sides, he is there to fix breakfast.  He knows that they've been out all night, they haven't caught anything and they are hungry.  And so he is there, their Servant Savior.  He feeds them when they are hungry.  He washes their dirty feet when they are tired.  It is the shape of his life."

What a beautiful, servant-hearted Jesus.

The One About Mother's Day

I have days where I think I'm navigating this single mom thing pretty well.  I'll think I've taken care of everything.  That everything is cleaned up, paid up, washed up, put up and so on...and it's usually then that I realize - it's him, not me.  God has given me a great kid.  He makes me look good.

Our MD was spent napping (me), playing video games (him), riding bikes (us and the W's) and sticking close to home.  His idea of a perfect day.  I would have thrown in some shopping, but hey - it's not like it was my birthday.  MD is a close cousin to Valentine's Day in my book, but I still like it.

G got a cell phone last week.  He was so excited.  It is his reward for passing the TAKS test, although officially the grades haven't come in yet.  He was with his dad on Saturday, and he sent me a text at 6:57am, "You up yet?"  Man, I love that kid.

Here's my MD gifts:

The One About An Update

Today was a good day.  I mean, really good.  I got the worship planning done, went to Dallas, did a lot of mobile working, got arrested for Kaufman County Crime Stoppers, got some more work done, got G$'s "I passed the TAKS test" cell phone ordered, made dinner, and now I'm in bed about to write a paper.

The a/c is going (gone) out in my car.  I'm praying it only needs freon.  Pity party.
I plunged G's toilet tonight for 20 minutes. 20.  Pity party.

The good news is, once I write my paper, the only thing left for the semester is to take a final on Thursday. I'll be off all summer from school.  Almost four months.  I am beside myself with giddiness.  Here's what our summer looks like:

1. VBS, first week of June.
2. WDW, third week of June.
3. Kids Camp, first week of July
4. G$'s bday, last week of July - GWL

G is getting a Kindle for his bday, and I am SO excited to give it to him.  I'm getting it early, so he can take it on our trip to WDW.  A very generous friend gave me a gift card to GWL, and that's how we're making that happen in July.

I'm really excited.  It looks like we're going to have a lot of fun.  I hope there's not too much planned.  I'm off on Mondays, and next Monday is my first one where I don't have class.  I have three Mondays all to myself before G is out for the summer.  I feel a little selfish, because I'm excited about those days.  I might just shop, go to movies, sleep, eat out...or maybe just stare at the wall.  But I'm excited.

I'm enrolled for two classes in the fall.  Statistics (have to have a math to graduate) and an Anthropology course - Society & Culture in Europe (that one just fit my schedule).  The stats class is on Wednesday nights, which means giving up acting in Kidstuf for a semester.  That's tough, because I love Kidstuf - but I have to have this class, and its the first time a math has been offered in the evening.  Its also going to be difficult to balance work, because the band rehearses on Wednesday nights.  So moving rehearsal to another night so I can be there kinda stinks for them.

Thanks for the comments on The One About OBL.  The convo with G went well.  I had to back up all the way to 9/11/2001, but he gets it now.  He's so tender-hearted...tonight he asked me to come in while he took a bath and tell him some more about it (he likes to hear the same things over and over) - but that's when I saw the toilet was clogged.  So we didn't talk anymore about it tonight.

I have a reading list for the summer...what should be on it?  Right now, all the books are ministry/work related.

And finally, a random thing I heard someone say to my Pastor today..."I know a lot about men's drawers."  A few questions.  Who calls them "drawers"?  And is knowing a lot about them something to brag about?  Is there really that much to know about - ahem - drawers?  How does one come by this information?  Of course, he took the comment unflinching, which made it all the more hysterical for me.

The One About OBL

Can I just be honest?  Last night as I sat watching Celebrity Apprentice, I was completely aggravated when a bar started running across the bottom of the screen that the President was going to interrupt programming.  Someone was about to get "fired" and I didn't want to wait to find out who.  

I don't watch the news (or really much tv at all) so it's a wonder I didn't turn the tv off and go to bed.  I was going to watch CA up to the point that the Pres came on.

When they finally interrupted and broke the news about the death of OBL, I just sat there. It's kind of a big deal, and I didn't really know what to do.  I immediately thought of Gav and how to explain it all to him.  I didn't feel excited, I actually shook a little.  I started wondering what my friends and family were thinking.  It was late, so I just prayed and went to bed.  

Today, I explained to my son for the second time what a terrorist is.  I watched him watching the news and as they showed different headlines from different papers, I watched his eyebrows shoot up, and he gasped when he read, "Rot In Hell." I was a little surprised myself.  I had to tell him we could unpack that tonight when we get home, but that as Christians, we do not wish an eternity in Hell on anyone.  I have no idea how to navigate this.  

The One About All the Things I Needed to Blog

I have wanted to blog all week.  Every night I laid down in bed with words and phrases floating around in my brain, and I didn't get up and write them down.  I should have, because most of them are forever gone.  Here's what they might have looked like:

Monday - The One About How I Should Write My Term Paper - because now it's almost Easter Sunday and that paper is due (10 pages) on April 25.  It's not even started.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I did save a template and give it a title.

Tuesday - The One About Getting Ready for Tenebrae

Wednesday - The One About Tenebrae and Wednesday - What a beautiful service.  It's my second favorite service of the year, and it feels so special.  I love Holy Week, and how we draw so much closer to the passion of Christ during this time.  The service went well.

I was talking to my friend Aaron about this day in Jesus' life.  Wednesday, the day before the Last Supper.  What was Jesus doing on this day?  The Gospels don't tell us, and Aaron said some scholars think Jesus was in hiding because of what had happened in the temple on Monday and Tuesday.  I want to know.  Where was he?  What was he doing?  Who was he with?

Thursday - The One About Still Thinking About Blogging and What Jesus Was Doing on Wednesday

Friday - The One About Good Friday - The office is closed on Good Friday, but several of us were there getting ready for Easter.  I was satisfied with how we concluded the week, all we got done, and what Easter Sunday looks like.  Nervous.  Excited.  Grumpy.  Anxious.  Nervous.

Gavin had a baseball game.  Love watching him play ball.

Saturday - The One About Saturday - We had band rehearsal this morning, then I went through the sermon several times with the Pastor.  Nap.  Service at Lake Pointe.  Dinner.  Shopping.  Now sitting up when I should be sleeping.

Thoughts about tomorrow - it will go well.  The team will all give their best.  We will celebrate the victory of Jesus over death and the grave!  I already feel so thankful.

The One About Palm Sunday

You know that feeling you get when you check your email, and you have one in the subject line that reads, "Overdraft Protection Notice?"  No?  It's anxiety.  Bills to pay, food and gas to buy, and payday is a week away.  Stress.  Worry.

What about the feeling you get when the phone rings in the middle of the night?  Alarm.  A bit of fear.  It's never good.

What about the feeling you get when a friend whose opinion you care about says, "We need to talk?"  Dread.  "We need to talk" is code for "you're a big dummy and here's why."

What about the feeling you get when you say, "Where have you been?" and he starts telling you where he's really been?  The room spins on that one.

What about when your friend comes into the hospital waiting room, and says, "Well, it's cancer?"  Words fail you, and suddenly you understand Romans 8:26 - the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

Sometimes, life just stinks.  We have a lot of yucky feelings, and we want to fast forward, or turn back time, or trade places or be invisible...but we can't.

I laid down tonight wondering how He felt on this night so many years ago.  Fickle Jerusalem, how she loved him that day.  And yet He wept over the city.  Did anyone see?  Did they look away, as people do when someone cries - confused and embarrassed?  Certainly they didn't understand His words.  Was His dear friend Peter an arms length away, and yet He felt alone?

I just climbed into bed, put the iPhone on its docking station, and felt that joy inside of not having to set the alarm.  Did Jesus rest this night, so many years ago?  Or did He lay awake thinking?  Praying?  I realize I don't know anxiety, stress, worry...loneliness...

The weight and sin of the world on His mind, and with five days to go...was He thinking of me?

The One About Friends

ST - here you go!

I have a friend in my life who is fighting really hard for me to trust people and make myself vulnerable. He's using words like, "trust" and "vulnerable." 

For the first time I'm looking at people differently. I say up to this point I've been a poor judge of character. My cousin says I take people at face value and that I need to have a stronger constitution of the people I let into my heart. Admittedly, I do not know how to do this.  I am an all-or-nothing kind of girl and currently I am at "nothing" on making new friends. I don't want to trust anyone, let anyone in or give anyone the benefit of the doubt. To be honest, it's not because I'm angry or bitter...it's because I'm tired. I'm tired of starting over only to be reminded that people change (or they don't change) and that even the "good" ones let you down.

This creates a problem, because I know this is not my nature - it's not the way God specifically and uniquely created ME to be - and also because it's not the design He has for us in general regarding community.

I'm an extrovert.  I like people.  I like to laugh and talk and do stuff.  But lately I find myself doing things alone, and it's never crossed my mind to invite someone.  Or I find myself thinking, "when G is home, we should do this or that."  Several weeks ago I found myself on the way to volunteer at a conference, and it struck me as I was driving down I-20 - "what in the world?  I don't know a single person out here!"  Meeting and talking to people wasn't a problem, but I definitely found myself thinking it would have been more fun if I'd brought a buddy.  Anyway, I think the reason that I'm writing this is because I'm liking this aloneness sort of, because it feels so safe - and that feels wrong.  Confusing.  

Praying for healing. In my heart and in relationships. 

The One About Passion

Easter is three weeks from today.  I can't sleep.

I also can't breathe.  I spent Thursday and Friday in The Fort Worth volunteering at the Passion Conference.  I wish there was one pic that I could upload that would say it all, but there's just not.  I took a ton of photos, and I don't even know where to start.  I got a lot of creative ideas, met a lot of people, and was able to be a part of something huge.  

Thursday was the last day of load in.  Myself and about 30 other people put together welcome packets for the 9,500 participants...I spent the night with a friend I hadn't seen in months, and we had a great time catching up.

Friday I was on the directional touch team, and spent most of the day standing outside, directing people where to go.  The wind blew in my face all day, and evidently I'm allergic to that.  Saw David Crowder for the...um...fifth time...

I woke up Saturday and...went back to sleep.  Came home early and slept most of the day in bed.  Allergies stink.

Gav and I rented Tangled and enjoyed watching that while eating ice cream.  

The One About the Truth

There's a funny thing about the truth. You either love it or you hate it. Sometimes both. In my own life, it's never been the truth so much that was horrific, as have been the lies that have kept it hidden. I love truth, but I do believe that because we are sinful we can't always tell the truth all the time. I wish someone would persuade me otherwise.

There have been times I have wanted to lie, but told the truth instead. Sometimes telling the truth costs you things. Sometimes you lose things because of it.  But I've never wished I hadn't told (or that someone hadn't told me) the truth.  

I'm thinking about it mostly because Easter is approaching and more than just planning, organizing and creating, I'm trying to keep my focus on all the things Good Friday and Easter Sunday are really about. It's not about a spectacle of performance, stage design, songs, sermons or any of that.  Jesus said, "I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life."  I love knowing that everything He says is good and true. Even when I'm wretched, hate the truth of who I am and have a propensity to sometimes ignore the truth when I hear it, I am loved by God who is faithful and true. Always loved by Him.

The One About the Weekend

Five things I did this weekend.

1. Bought Easter shoes.
2. Had dinner with a friend.  Twice.  Two different friends.
3. Slept 12 hours Saturday night.
4. Discovered a yummy new summer drink at Starbucks.
5. Rested on Sabbath.

And three things I didn't.

1. Write my debate that's due tomorrow afternoon.
2. Prepare the lecture I'm giving tomorrow night.
3. Get my oil changed.

Check this out: