On A Good Day

Here I go again! I don't know if I'm blogging so much because I have a computer at home now, or if I'm just trying to stimulate my mind...finding myself back in school after being out for six years is a little hard. I'm surrounded by smart people...people with letters after their names, and I never understand what they're talking about, so I'm trying to finish up my bachelors degree.

I think I might be a control freak. The past few weeks, I've been doing a lot of spiritual searching. Asking the Lord a lot of questions. Today I had what I like to refer to as a "moment". Some people might call it a "melt down". Lots of fears, crouching in on me at one time, and I threw up the white flag.

I won't go into listing all my fears, but they are there...some are silly, some deeply rooted in the past...some of them are just normal fears. Today I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend this summer. Just in casual conversation she and I had over a period of several days, she noted that she picked up some queues from me that I have a lot of fears. That I often use phrases like, "I'm afraid that..." or "my fear is" and "I'm scared of..." I was a little surprised by her candid observation of my inner self, and so I had to think if over a while. And...well...she was right. Now, this is particularly embarrassing for me, because I'm a Bible believin' girl, and I'll be the FIRST one to tell you, God has not given us a spirit of fear! That worry is a sin, that we have to TRUST GOD...

So my friend's really great words came back to me today. On a GOOD day, I can control myself. I can't control situations or other people. But I can try really hard to control my thoughts, my attitude and my tongue. It's when I start to worry about that things that I can't control that fear creeps in. It seems so simple when you dumb it down...why worry or be afraid of something that is out of my control? So what am I claiming...or reclaiming? Myself I think. That I will have a good day in Jesus' name and I will control myself.