The One About Radicalis

Deep sigh.  This always happens to me.  I dig my heels in and end up feeling ridiculous.

It was decided at the office that some of the staff would watch Radicalis (a live webcast of a church conference in California) on the big screen in the Sanctuary.  I knew it coming in to work on Tuesday.  And I was grumpy about it.  I felt like a four year old on the inside, and while I knew I was being ridiculous, I couldn't really stop it.  I wanted to stomp my feet.  I grumbled about how much stuff I had to do.  I said snarky things (more so than usual).  But I still set everything up, and was in my seat at the appointed time.

I sat down in my chair and was at first annoyed because instead of getting right to the speaking, there was 30 minutes of worship first.  UGH, why was I so aggravated?  I LOVE worship, and it was lead by Gungor, who I like.  I fidgeted.  I huffed.  I looked at my iPad.  This was bordering on an all-out tantrum.

That's when it happened.  God punched me between the eyes.  (That makes me laugh).  It is probably better to describe it like this:  Kay Warren came out and began to speak and I realized she was quite literally speaking directly to me.  It was as if God was standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders.  She said, "God is never ashamed of you, no matter what you've done."  And while I know this, I needed someone with some authority to say it over me.

Ok, so God was still standing behind me, hands on my shoulders.  I felt like he was saying, "See?  I knew what you needed.  Here you go.  Now be still and listen."  I felt all my anxiety easing out of me, and relaxed.  I stopped worrying about the things that weren't getting done and realized God had a bigger appointment for me, and that I was in it.  Kay said, "You need to know in the depth of your soul that you are God's beloved."  Yes, yes I am.  I sat there feeling silly about my fit, no matter how much I had internalized it...chin dropping toward my chest, hair falling in my face, because there were people sitting on both sides of me, and I was trying not to lose it.  Sitting there trying to hide my feelings was silly too, because when it was over and we discussed it, my friends knew what I was feeling anyway.

It was a great week with Radicalis, dreaming up ideas, planning and looking forward.  Was it any wonder that night in my daily Bible reading I read Mark 5, and the speaker the following morning preached out of Mark 5?  No, it isn't any wonder.

The One About A Boring Saturday

It was a typical Saturday.

Five Things I Did Today:
1. Went to Upward (G$ scored 2).
2. Produced my first wedding at the church.
3. Bought new shoes.
4. Drank a pot of coffee.
5. Encouraged a friend.

And Three Things I Didn't:
1. Write my paper for Bioethics.
2. Do my reading assignment for British Lit.
3. Eat an entire meal.  I'm starving.

The One About Valentine's Day

I didn't want to blog about V-Day right away, lest I seem bitter (which I am) or cynical (which I also am).  But here it is.  The top five reasons I think Valentine's Day is dumb, plus a little bit of other stuff.

5. It's a commercial holiday.  I feel the same way about Mother's Day.  It's made up.  It's lame.  Let's celebrate in July or August.  That would be more...creative?

4. It's predictable.  Flowers.  Candy.  Dinner.  (Can I say that, since I'm the only one who knows I gave Gavin Hershey's kisses and a teddy bear?)  Get outside the box, people.  A new pair of heels.  Some new makeup.  A new car.

3. It's a let-down.  I don't like knowing a surprise is coming, or to expect something special to happen.  Maybe I just set my expectations too high.

2. It alienates people.  See Mother's Day.

1. It's dumb because I said so.

And there you go!  But really...who doesn't love Love and being in love?  In reading a book recently, I got to thinking about that soft line between being friends and being in love.  Falling in love with the person who you know is your best friend in the whole world is a great feeling.  I'm thankful to have felt it.  Trust and love and friendship are worth celebrating, even if the whole world is doing it by the calendar.


I Corinthians 13:13
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Ten Things I Did Not Do Yesterday

Because, as you know, I like to make lists.

10. Wash my hair.

9. Take a shower.

8. Expect to admit 10 and especially 9 on the world-wide internet machine.

7. Eat well.  I said I was going to, but I didn't.  #Whataburger.

6. Get my eyebrows waxed.

5. Yell at my kid.

4. Pay attention in Bioethics.

3. Stop talking in British Lit.  (Yes, I am that girl.  I love talking about the books so much, I don't realize everyone is whipped until we have a break, and I hear someone say, "I hate this.")

2. Expect to hear from an old friend (which I did) or expect to hear back from another old friend (which I didn't).

1. Go to bed at a decent hour.

Tony Nolan...??

When Tony Nolan popped up as the speaker at Winter Jam, his name was familiar.  (As a brief aside, I did for a moment think, “Really?  A guest speaker at a concert?” But that was me being sinful.)  I googled him.  I searched his face.  I couldn’t place him.  His testimony was not familiar either.  Nothing but the name.  He is, I guess, an evangelist?  Driving in to Dallas this morning, I was still thinking about what he said on Friday night.  

Here is the gist:  He was promoting adoption through Holt International (something like the more-familiar-to-me Compassion International).  He told the story of how his mother sold him for $200 when he was a baby.  He was a troubled teen and his adopted father once told him he regretted spending the money.  I thought he was pushy, witty, a bit hokey, and very engaging.  

The pushy part came in the promotion of Holt Int’l.  He, having two adopted children of his own, all but said you don’t love Jesus if you don’t adopt a child.  He didn’t actually say that, but that’s what it felt like.  I was torn between acting offended and adopting the first child I could find to prove how much I love God.  I did neither.  

Ah, but back to the gist: He said, “Satan is a HURT DEALER.  You wanna talk about ‘hide you kids, hide yo wife?’ we need to hide er’rybody!”  That made me lol.  A lot.  But then he said, “let me introduce you to the HURT HEALER” and that made me cry.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Why do I forget this?  I didn’t even know I needed to be reminded.  Then I noticed the lady on my left was crying too.  I guess we all need to be reminded sometimes.  

Sometimes, you get hurt and you carry it around a long time...then one day you realize you’re feeling whole again.  And He reminds you why - because he is the Hurt Healer.  

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted, and bandages their wounds.

Indeed He does!

This Good Day

My Gavin and I have had a great weekend. We went to WinterJam last evening at AAC. There is not much I love more than singing (Perhaps shouting in this case. Ok, and jumping.) with wreckless abandon to our Lord. And no one I like more to lead me in worship that DC*B. Gavin enjoyed himself, we became new fans of Chris August, and listened to his CD all day today. We stayed up late (11pm) having a snack and watching tv. The late night eating and tv was a treat for him and he very much enjoyed it.

This morning I woke up with a headache and so, super grumpy. Gavin woke me up no less than five times, and I finally snapped when he woke me to show me two fruit snacks melted together. I felt better once I was up, and my mood continued to improve once I saw how beautiful it was outside.

We went to Upward (he scored five points), washed the car where he kept saying, "this is so fun!" and came home. I cleaned the grill and fired it up to test it out. Gavin swept the garage and sorted laundry. We made lunch at home. We saw Gnomeo & Juliet, picked up some groceries, and had dinner back at the house. We loved our day.

Kay Lynn Loves Bubba

When I was in fourth grade, I attended a small private school in Palmer, Texas.  One day at the beginning of school, I was called to the principle's office.  I trembled in the presence of authority (back then).  I was a rule follower, plain and simple.

It would seem someone had written "Kay Lynn loves Bubba" on the bathroom wall.  Naturally, the first assumption would be that I was the one who had done the writing, and while it is true that I did indeed 'love Bubba,' I was not the one who had committed this act of graffiti.  It was a small school and before the morning was over, almost every girl had seen what was written on the bathroom wall.  I.  Was.  Mortified.

Even though I knew I was innocent, there was still that shadow of suspicion over me.  That was a heavy burden, knowing I was telling the truth, but also knowing everyone didn't fully believe me.  Before the end of the day, for whatever reason, someone confessed.  It was my best friend Sarah.  She admitted to writing it on the wall out of jealousy.  She cried and apologized, and I told her it was ok, I wasn't mad, that we were still friends.

And that is the first time I ever remember forgiving someone.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.  I have forgiven much since then, and definitely had much forgiven me. Sometimes its easy.  Sometime its hard.  Sometimes I do it in spite of myself.  The worse things to forgive are the ones you have to do over and over, when you look down and realize, "Oh, I've picked that up again," and you have to very deliberately begin new.  I realized Wednesday there were some things I had stopped carrying around.  What a great feeling.

All Things Random

I'm behind.  I'm behind on writing.  I'm behind on music.  I'm behind on planning at work.  I'm behind on reading the three (four?) books I'm trying to get through.

Things are weird.  Nikki's leaving.  New people coming in.

School is going great, and the last three Mondays I have come home feeling like I learned something.  And I don't want to die like I did last semester.   Instead of going three days a week, all my classes are on Monday.  We have a new lease on life.

Facing challenges in Arts Ministry and loving every minute of it.  And I keep staring at the note on my desk that says "My ministry is the product of my relationship with Christ."  John 15:4-5, Colossians 3:16-17.  I sit down, I read it, and I go, "yikes".  But in a good way.  Its motivational.

Missed G dreadfully today.  Three ice/snow days last week followed by a weekend together had me looking around for him all day.